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  • Michelle Meyer

Monsters Under the Bed

Interpretation by Trudi Schaefer

When I was little I was afraid of the dark. Of the monsters that were surely lurking under my bed. As I grow older I find that I’m still afraid of monsters. Just different monsters. For this blog entry I thought about alphabetizing my fears — A for Apocalypse, B for Buried alive, C for Climate Change, which is now tied with Coronavirus — you get the idea.

But then I got a phone call from a 414 area code that I didn’t recognize. I ignored it like you do these days when a number comes up instead of a pre-entered name from the “contacts” list. But the unknown caller left a message, so I found my way to voicemail because maybe it was Ed McMahon. Maybe he had a check for me!

It was from the GOP of Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Full disclosure: I am not, nor have I ever have been, a member of any GOP, unless you count the time when I was in grade school and I was that Girl Offering Pop at the concessions stand of a regional softball game. That is the extent of my GOP-ness. Which led me to wonder why the GOP would be calling me.

My voicemail has a cool feature that translates the voice message into text so that you can read it if you don’t want to listen. Which I didn’t. Yet I could not ignore the GOP translation. It stated the “facts” about how “great” our current administration is, blah, blah, blah. But what really got me was the bold-faced (by me for emphasis) portion of following closing statement. The GOP wanted me know that:

(sic) “Wisconsinites and Americans are safer and stronger with President Trump in the White House this call was paid for by the Republican Party Wisconsin not authorized by any candidate __ candidates committee for more information visit http://www.with you’ll be dead…”

When I read it I had an actual LOL moment. I mean come on, it’s funny! But it’s also weird and unexpected because there it was, a hilarious death invite.

Lurking.

On my phone.

Like some big scary (comedic) monster.

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