Interpretation by Susan Johnson
I feel like I have an argument with someone in my head every day. Some of you who know me have an idea that I often “speak my mind.” Well, you wouldn’t say that if you knew what was going on in my mind. Sometimes the things I’m thinking surprise even me. I have whole conversations with small and large audiences where I am playing every part (because I’m an actress and I can’t help myself), but the “me” in the conversation is always winning and making profound, witty, unarguable statements that leave the other wankers (who are also played by me, but not really me) in my fake conversations totally stunned by my keen mind and my mega-sharp tongue. I mean, that happens in movies all the time, right? Those perfect comebacks said by the hero to the dopes who we, as an audience, rightfully loathe and love to see bested.
But real life is so, so, so different. Real life is riddled with those moments that a mouth opens, but then it immediately closes and lips purse and someone who knows me (oops, was I referring to my pursed lips?) would rightfully accuse me of sporting “the look.” But what good is “the look” without the words to go with it? Well, sometimes we (I) just need to shut up. And sometimes we (I) actually don’t need to shut up. Sometimes we (I) need to speak up and set the situation straight (according to me). I’ve learned both of these truths after shutting up when maybe I shouldn’t have, and then dumbly keeping quiet when maybe I shouldn’t have.
There’s a fine line. Age is still teaching me how to tread it correctly. I’ll slip again and let my tongue get the best of my head. I know it. Blame it on my astrological fire sign (Aries – Ram – Arrrrrr!) And that slip will probably feel GREAT in the moment, but then the moment will pass and I might feel like — Oh crap, did I just say that publicly on Facebook? And then someone will say, Michelle — you’re brilliant! What a profound, witty, unarguable statement you’ve just made with your keen mind and your sharp tongue. And no one will argue with me because I am bound to strike back and make them look foolish and….
Yeah, yeah… there I go again… having another winning conversation in my head.